"There's this woman writer, she writes like Danielle Steel. Romance! Her name is Helen Keller. Do you have any books by her?"
"Umm." Umm. I know. It's a really bad, frowned upon word. But I'll tell you something. You can buy time with it. I totally condone Umm as an empathetic tool. Meanwhile, you can gather your wits about you – suppress that tremor of giggles that's about ready to blow your nose off your face – and find composure. "We do have Helen Keller's autobiography but I'm not sure that's what you're looking for."
"Speak louder honey I can't hear you."
I'm still thinking of more New Year's Resolutions; actually I have about 17 I just need the time to write them down. I keep reading them by people who expressly hate making them. If you don't like resolutions just don't fucking make them, understand? Do not say "I hate making resolutions because they're bound to be broken, but I'm going to go ahead and make an exception for this Facebook/blog post." No. Do not say that.