I'm taking a leak.

When my dog takes a leak in the wilderness, he relieves himself and then he kicks out his hind legs in back of him, as if he's ready to take off, but he stays in one place. It appears to be reverse digging. My boyfriend says this is what dogs do when they want to spread their scent around further than where they've peed. They're getting out the message: this is where I stand!

I have been withholding an argumentative post for a few days now because I tell myself that I am no good at arguing effectively. I am a quiet thinker. Not a verbal debater. I internalize arguments until they give me colds, back aches, and general nausea. Even in this virtual reality that I keep, I don't argue. I like to play nice. I disagree, I move on. But right now, I'd like to kick out my hind legs (all Labrador Retriever-like), spread my dirt around, and share with the general wilderness something that is really bothering me. Every piece of pee dirt I fling about matters to me.

Here's the thing. Someone in one of my classes said, "reading comes with responsibility, right?" To put this in context, he was contesting the idea of fine forgiveness at public libraries, namely for young adults, during Teen Read Week (October 16-23rd). To quote him directly, because I can:

"I can't help but ask what this teaches young people? Will they expect an Adult Week where the same happens? Maybe I am making too much out of it, but I think maybe if the fines are over ten dollars, giving them the ability to check out books still while having a payment plan would teach everything. Reading comes with responsibility, right?"

I'm going to graduate school to become, ahem, a librarian. Yes. One of those. (We can talk about how f*ing weird they are later, because that's something I love to do). I took the long way in getting here. I originally wanted to become an urban planner, but then I fell in love with neighborhoods and communities and all I wanted to do for the rest of my life was wander in urban American neighborhoods and write about my experiences. That doesn't have a lot to do with urban planning. Well, it does. But mostly, it doesn't.

I also wanted to teach. And so I did, for two years. Not really traditional teaching, but I was involved in a children's literacy program, and then an Adult Basic Education program. I worked with people from all walks of life that, for whatever reason, couldn't read or had difficulty reading. And that's when my world changed, or, that's what changed my world. I wanted to combine my love for community/neighborhoods/people/literacy/books/information into something and, it turned out that something was actually very precise: a career as a public librarian.

So here I am. I'm a bit different from most of my classmates, or, at least that's how I see it. I don't have the standard arsenal of cat T-shirts, the book snob gene, the academic wit thing, or whatever else. Trust me, there's something about my classmates and I don't feel as though I fit into their box. I just don't know how to describe it. Probably, the best I can do is: we're passionate about different things.

So back to the top. To the statement that a classmate made that reallybothered me. Look. Does reading come with responsibility? Ask yourself why you read. For me, I read for mainly two purposes. The first is always pleasure. I read for pleasure. Secondly, I read to learn things. Is it my responsibility to share what I read? I don't think so. I think this is why anonymity is so sacred in public libraries. On the other hand, using a (public) library may come with responsibility, but even so, am I spending two years in graduate school so that I can come out teaching teenagers about being responsible? No. I am not. I said why I'm in graduate school and why I'm pursuing this career.

If a kid has $20 in fines, he can come to my line. Because he'll leave with books. As a (future) librarian, I would be happy if my books were stolen and never came back. I don't want to keep information. I want to give it away. When you're reading with a child that doesn't have a book to her name or a parent to take her to the library, fines become very unimportant. At least to me. Apparently, I am very radical.

What bothers me the most about his "responsibility" argument, though, is this assumption: "I can't help but ask what this teaches young people? Will they expect an Adult Week where the same happens?" To me, this is the great American warped way of thinking. The trap: Americans assume the worst in their fellow Americans. At least, I am hyper aware of this since living in Florida. Somehow, attracting a teenager back to the library will make them dependent on handouts later in life? Oh, ok.

Give humanity a chance, bro! Open your mind! Stop assuming the worst in people!

I'm pursuing this career because I have compassion for the public. I want to live in a more literate community and country. I don't know if this is why my classmates are pursuing this same career. It worries me.

A lot.