"Scientology"

It may seem a little trendy to rant about flying saucer theology, seeing as its poster child, Tom Cruise, was kind of using it as a reverse self-promoting tool all summer. I find the unsuspecting "stars" that follow Scientology intriguing (Jason Lee, Leah Remini, and Erika Christensen: what the fuck are you thinking? Are you?), but other than that, I never had any intention of calling L. Ron Hubbard out -- there's no need; billions of people are doing it for me.

But I was a little angry, and a little humored, that my mailbox was violated yesterday with Scientology propaganda, or, the ever-famous personality test that is used to suck in the gullible mind (not before sending $7.99 for more information). This Oxford Capacity Analysis (OCA) test consists of some 200 questions, and, like any personality test, the questions are helplessly redundant. It wasn't before too long that I noticed that the questions are "chalk full" (teehee) of cliches, and all cliches are in quotes. For example, question #135: "Do the 'petty foibles' of others make you impatient?" (please tell me you're not answering this in your head right now). I took the liberty of highlighting all of the quoted cliches, although some words and phrases in quotes were just, simply...bizarre: Question #64: "Are you normally considered 'cold'?" Hmmm, sometimes I wear sweaters in Florida during the summer? But they're probably looking for this answer: Yes, I can be called a cold bitch.

Anyway, without getting hypnotized by L. Ron Hubbard's madskills, I present you some highlighted, prequoted cliches. And for the record, leave my fucking mailbox ALONE, ya goddamn space cadets.

"snap judgment"
"own up and take the blame"
"strict discipline"
"spoilsport" --oohhh, I like that one
"keep the peace"
"circulate around"
"always getting into trouble"
"start the ball rolling"
"external noise"
"prisons without bars"
"close contact"
"noises off" --hey, I think y high school performed that play in the late 90's
"turn up the volume"
"wax enthusiastic" -- great cliche, L. Ron!
"house settling down"
"some simple little thing"
"set your teeth on edge" --what, Scientologists?
"by the clock"
"swallowing your disappointment"
"start a new activity"
"probation system"
"wait for something to happen"
"calculated risk"
"going off in all directions at once"
"mere acquaintances"