Ocean Spray.

*Originally Posted March 20, 2006

Thanksgiving meals are really good, right? Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, {whatever you traditionally eat}...it's good, yes? Any time of year, naturally, it is okay to crave those foods. They are good.

Here's the thing. I craved some cranberry sauce last night. These are the details: it was generic, jellied, and in a can. I was going to have it with my dinner - otherwise not typical Thanksgiving food.

I opened the can, did the whole squishy thing to plop out the cranberry sauce into a bowl, grabbed a fork, and started eating the entire can-shaped log of cranberry sauce. I had six, eh, maybe seven bites, and that was enough. I was over the craving. There was too much aluminum going on in my mouth. I thought about saving it for another day, but then I thought I would never finish eating it. I don't have a garbage disposal, and I was too lazy to put it in my garbage can because I knew I wouldn't take the trash out timely enough to prevent ants from coming into my kitchen. We're talking a few days. I'm disgusting. So I thought, hmmm, maybe I'll flush it down the toilet.

Madge logic: if it can go through my pipes, it must be able to go through those pipes. I think my logic was preceeded with a pompous "in actuality...". I then went to the bathroom. I then plopped the cranberry log into the toilet and flushed. That stuff is so slick, right? But, in actuality, it ain't that slick. It plugged my toilet so badly I had to resort to a plunge fest. I plunged and waited. I plunged and waited. It finally cleared, and I always get nervous when toilets misbehave - therefore it made those laborious seconds seem like hours.

The moral? Always second-guess Madge logic. And eat your cranberry sauce in November, folks.